Kadabra's Stories


Bedtime Story

Once upon a time there was big bad dragon called Swoooooosh. This was not really his name but it described quite well the sound he made while breathing fire. That is to say until he's got this awful hiccup and after that was known as Hic-Ouch. So he certainly was in need for a princess with a really huge sugarcube.

Hic-Ouch waited and waited but where are princesses when you need them? Not to mention the sugarcubes. He got bored, he got angry and he hic-ouched even more. He lost his appetite as well, because nothing tastes good with a burnt tongue, thank you very much. Poor big bad dragon. So after a wonderful pity party with himself as the one and only special guest he finally made a decision.

He flapped his wings once, twice and eventually took off the ground to see a witch who lived right on top of the next mountain. Landing was difficult because Hic-Ouch was weak and there wasn't much space for him to land on. So he almost crashed into the bubbling cauldron and into the witch as well. She didn't seem amused.

»For Hell's Sake - what you are up to, Hic-Ouch??« she cried. »Witchhunting? Never heard of a "best-before-date"? Or do you need another curse?«

»No - hic ... OUCH! ...on the contrary.«, Hic-Ouch managed to say. »I'm temporarily out of princesses and wondered if you could - hic...OUCH! ... help me out with one or two? Or at least with a really - hic...OUCH! ... huge sugarcube?«

»Princesses!« - the Witch cackled - »No I can't help you, never had them in stock. Usually they just steal your precious poisoned apples and sing silly duets with bluebirds and try to be more charming than you all day long. Can't stand them. I have a big sugarcube though. I could give it to you but what would you take it with?«

Hic-Ouch hung his head in despair. Yeah what should he take it with? He knew quite well that dragonsized silverspoons are rare and would melt half way down his throat anyhow. The thoughtful silence was interrupted by the ring of a bell. A young lady on a bicycle stopped right in front of them. »Pharmacist-Delivery«, she introduced herself happily.

»Got a package for a Mrs.Hekate Graymalkin here, that's you I'd think.«, she adressed the witch, for Hic-Ouch was clearly a dragon and clearly no Mrs. (You could tell from his first name which was James. In happier times he used to say to his victims: »My name is Swoooooosh! - James Swoooooosh!« Normally they'd miss the "James-part" because they'd been shaken, stirred and well done by then. A fine example that good manners do always pay.)

»Ah - the Dr. Hellish-Cosmetics!«, the witch smiled. »Nothing's better if you want to lay a nasty-skin-problem upon someone without wasting a charm. Wait a moment, Dear, I'll just fetch my curse - eh - purse.«

With this words and a talking gesture towards Hic-Ouch she vanished round the corner of a rock. The dragon followed her curiously.

»Here's the cure for your hiccup!« Mrs. Graymalkin sniggered. »She might not be a princess but she's a beauty, isn't she? I'll just make her hold the sugarcube and then - Bon Appétit!«

It was a good plan, indeed. And even if you consider it an evil plan - well if you have a big bad dragon and a witch you don't really expect them to start a caritative organisation, do you? If you do you may as well believe in fairytales.

So the witch went to fetch her purse and the really huge sugarcube and meanwhile Hic-Ouch returned to the now slightly impatient Pharmacist-Lady to distract her a little.

»May I - hic ... OUCH! ...introduce myself«, he said with a polite bow, which looks kind of funny if performed by a big bad dragon. »My name is - hic ... OUCH! ...pardon me ... Hic-Ouch. James Hic-Ouch, and I am a dragon.«

»You don't say«, the Pharmacist answered. (Yes she was being sarcastic, I am afraid) - »I'm Silas - pleased to meat - err - meet you!«, she continued. »Is it me or do we have a bad case of a hiccup here? So inconvenient, if you ask me, especially if you are a dragon - you know what? - I think I could help you with that little problem.«

»I - hic ... OUCH! ...do hope so!«, replied the dragon with an evil grin.

This was the moment Mrs. Graymalkin choosed to come back - her purse in one hand and the other to steady the weight on her shoulders. This really was the largest sugarcube you'd ever seen. There was no way a single person could carry it without witchcraft.

»Oh deary me!«, the witch panted. »I am not so young as I used to be. - Would you be so kind, Darling, as to hold the sugarcube for a minute so I can open my purse and hand you the money over?«

So there was Silas, the beautiful Pharmacist right between a rock and a hard place and she knew it quite well. She could take the sugarcube and be flattened to the ground by its weight immediately or she could jump on her bicycle and head down the mountain,which isn't a very good idea if the person who is going to chase you has wings. And even if she would escape, she wouldn't have the money for the delivery and her boss would fire her. No matter how she turned it - she was lunch.

But Silas wasn't just any beautiful Pharmacist, she also was a very bright girl. (Unusual I know - but - excuse me - this is a bedtime story after all!) So she smiled a polite little smile (the kind which normally was reserved for annoying customers on saturdays) and replied: »I'll get back to you in a moment about that - right now I need my hands.« And then she started to climb the dragon.

Hic-Ouch was so startled, that he didn't realize what was going on until Silas sat comfortably on his snout and examined his eyes from a very close distance. Mrs. Graymalkin dropped both the sugarcube and her lower jaw.

»See, James. I may call you James? The hiccup is the minor problem, it's caused by a Fat-Liver which was caused by a wrong diet.What did you have for dinner yesterday?«

»Nuffing ... hic- ouch!...« mumbled the dragon through his strangled snout with some difficulties. »Loft my ...hic ...ouch!.. appetite.«

»Typical symptom. And the day before?«

»Only leftoverf - hic....ouch!... Half a princeff and a fmall kingdom.«

»That's not much ... and the day before that day?«

Hic-Ouch thought hard, very hard. He frowned and his ears started to fume and little puffs of steam appeared above his head.

»On fat day«, he eventually remembered, »I had a princeff and her wetnurfe for breakfaft, a brave prince who waf her fiancee (the princess' not the wetnurse's of course) for lunch and the king and hif queen for dinner wif half their other daughter for defert. Come to mind I should think it waf the prince that gave me the hiccup - he waf fo upfet.«

Silas nodded approvingly: »That'd be the reason then. That and consuming too many healthy, well-bred people. I hate to tell you this, but you'd better stay away from them in the future. You'll have to live as a strict vegetarian if you don't want to suffer from a sudden painful death very soon.«

YOU realized of course that Hic-Ouch's hiccup was gone, just by concentrating on what he had for dinner recently. He didn't but Silas' last remark came to him as a nasty shock and so he was double-cured without any sugar involved.

»What??? - A VEGETARIAN???« Hic-Ouch yelled, loosening Silas' legs around his snout by doing so. He was really angry now. And what does an angry big bad dragon do? Yepp - he breathes fire.

However it's time that we get back to Mrs. Graymalkin who, after recollecting her jaw and her senses, had witnessed the scene with increasing amusement. She had had a weak spot for tough girls all her life long and therefore decided that Silas didn't deserve to die yet. So when the dragon had managed to shake Silas off and still blind with rage was ready to breathe fire again she'd put a heat-resistance-spell on the lucky Pharmacist. After that Silas felt only a warm breeze instead of being grilled by the subsequent flash of fire.

»HIC-OUCH! - STOP IT!«, the witch cried. »Don't you realize that you've been cured?«

The dragon paused and breathed fire once, twice experimentally. It worked. A huge happy grin appeared on his face and he bowed to Silas who still was lying on the ground holding her leg which had been badly burned by the first fire-blaze.

»I'd like to apologize!« he said. »It was just the heat of the moment - you know? - And maybe you're right after all with this vegetarian thingy. I used to have a bad heartburn and now it has gone and I'm feeling a lot better. Is there such a thing like a Soy-Princess?«

Silas shrugged and examined her leg. Suddenly the pain had stopped and what was left of the burn now had the shape of a big bad dragon, drawn in beautiful colours. Mrs. Graymalkin smiled and handed her the money for the delivery and a huge tip and so the three of them parted as friends and lived happily ever after.

And if there's any moral to this story it might be that the three big B's for a woman are to be brave, bright and bold though some people tend to spell them differently.

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